Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
