I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
