he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
