whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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