I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
