I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
