I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
