"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
