your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize