We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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