Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
