I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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