It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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