Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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