I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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