she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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