Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
