You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
