So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
