I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
