Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
