i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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