Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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