Don't you send me to vm
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
