"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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