I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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