I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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