Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to align my fucking chakras
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
