There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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