well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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