Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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