YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
