I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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