I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
