So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
