i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
