Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
