You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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