I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
