we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
