I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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