We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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