Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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