I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
