More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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