is your mom at the bar?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
