hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
