A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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