just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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