Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
