I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
