So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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