i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
