this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
