That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
