So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
