Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
