I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
