Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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