i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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