my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
