Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
