I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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