I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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