plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
