I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
