He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
