Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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