dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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