moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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