i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
