Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize