Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do herpes really smell.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
